The Creative Co-Op

If you haven't checked out this site you definitely need to visit http://psimadethis.com/ and don't forget to buy the book!  I included the book in one of my best friend's birthday bags last year and she loved it.  However, she really doesn't need much inspiration, because she is the most crafty, creative person I know. 

If crafts aren't your cup of tea and you are more into writing, check out http://www.planetsark.com/.  SARK has so many inspirational books.  My favorite is "SARK's Journal and Play!Book: A Place to Dream While Awake."  My copy has seen so much action that it looks like a set of bald tires!

Clueless The Movie Starring The Guy Down The Street & Not Alicia Silverstone

List of things I'd NOT do if I were a guy for a day:
I would not pursue a girl who has ignored me for months on end.  End of story.

Bob Knows Best

A few of my favorite Bob Marley quotes...

"You may not be her first, her last, or her only. She loved before she may love again. But if she loves you now, what else matters? She's not perfect - you aren't either, and the two of you may never be perfect together but if she can make you laugh, cause you to think twice, and admit to being human and making mistakes, hold onto her and give her the most you can. She may not be thinking about you every second of the day, but she will give you a part of her that she knows you can break - her heart. So don't hurt her, don't change her, don't analyze and don't expect more than she can give. Smile when she makes you happy, let her know when she makes you mad, and miss her when she's not there."
— Bob Marley

"Only once in your life, I truly believe, you find someone who can completely turn your world around. You tell them things that you’ve never shared with another soul and they absorb everything you say and actually want to hear more. You share hopes for the future, dreams that will never come true, goals that were never achieved and the many disappointments life has thrown at you. When something wonderful happens, you can’t wait to tell them about it, knowing they will share in your excitement. They are not embarrassed to cry with you when you are hurting or laugh with you when you make a fool of yourself. Never do they hurt your feelings or make you feel like you are not good enough, but rather they build you up and show you the things about yourself that make you special and even beautiful. There is never any pressure, jealousy or competition but only a quiet calmness when they are around. You can be yourself and not worry about what they will think of you because they love you for who you are. The things that seem insignificant to most people such as a note, song or walk become invaluable treasures kept safe in your heart to cherish forever. Memories of your childhood come back and are so clear and vivid it’s like being young again. Colours seem brighter and more brilliant. Laughter seems part of daily life where before it was infrequent or didn’t exist at all. A phone call or two during the day helps to get you through a long day’s work and always brings a smile to your face. In their presence, there’s no need for continuous conversation, but you find you’re quite content in just having them nearby. Things that never interested you before become fascinating because you know they are important to this person who is so special to you. You think of this person on every occasion and in everything you do. Simple things bring them to mind like a pale blue sky, gentle wind or even a storm cloud on the horizon. You open your heart knowing that there’s a chance it may be broken one day and in opening your heart, you experience a love and joy that you never dreamed possible. You find that being vulnerable is the only way to allow your heart to feel true pleasure that’s so real it scares you. You find strength in knowing you have a true friend and possibly a soul mate who will remain loyal to the end. Life seems completely different, exciting and worthwhile. Your only hope and security is in knowing that they are a part of your life."
— Bob Marley

"He’s not perfect. You aren’t either, and the two of you will never be perfect. But if he can make you laugh at least once, causes you to think twice, and if he admits to being human and making mistakes, hold onto him and give him the most you can. He isn’t going to quote poetry, he’s not thinking about you every moment, but he will give you a part of him that he knows you could break. Don’t hurt him, don’t change him, and don’t expect for more than he can give. Don’t analyze. Smile when he makes you happy, yell when he makes you mad, and miss him when he’s not there. Love hard when there is love to be had. Because perfect guys don’t exist, but there’s always one guy that is perfect for you."
— Bob Marley

The Friday Poll

The Friday Poll

"I know you don't smoke weed, I know this; but I'm gonna get you high today, 'cause it's Friday; you ain't got no job...and you ain't got shit to do." ~Smokey, FRIDAY

Mood:
Ready!

First words out of my mouth this morning:
Last night was fun followed by thank God it's effing Friday!

Best quote of the day so far:
My friend:  Can you sing?
Me:  I can't sing, but I will.  I will do anything necessary.

What I am listening to:
"Star Power" by Sonic Youth

What I’m looking forward to this weekend:
Going to visit my best friend from childhood in Ft. Worth/Dallas and laughing until the calories come off.

One thing I’d like to improve about myself:
I would like to jump on the Justin Beiber bandwagon at full speed aka making the best of the life that I currently have.

On my makeup lust list:
Tom Ford Lipstick

Last dream I can remember:
I dreamed that I was Star Jones (before weight loss) and that I was floating through the sky on an orange Boston Whaler and Purple Haze by Jimi Hendrix was playing in the background. I believe this is a classic case of "inception" due to the fact that one of my best friends had the same dream last week except he was Al Roker (before weight loss) and he was skydiving on a huge red tricycle with "Sweet Child Of Mine by Guns N' Roses playing in the background.

Face Apples and Kissers:
Cheeks: NARS "Orgasm" Blush
Lips: Yves Saint Laurent Rouge Pur Lipstick Tea Rose No. 148
Yves Saint Laurent Golden Gloss Shimmering Lip Gloss Golden Peony No. 10

Outfit:
7 For All Mankind Highwaist Gwenevere Skinny Jeans
CHASER LA Journey Batwing Tee
Sam Edelman "Kinley" Wedges

Fragrance:
CHANEL Allure Eau De Parfum Spray and CHANEL Coco Mademoiselle Fresh Body Satin Spray
My Perfume Tips: HARMONIZE!

Fingers:
OPI Texas Collection I Vant To Be A-Lone Star Nail Lacquer

Weekend goals:
1. Sit next to a hot guy at the airport.
2. Shoot J.R. Ewing...Again.
3. To meet the man of my jokes, not my dreams.
4. As always, have BIG fun!!!

About Last Night...

“What’s really going on here is sex. Good, old-fashioned, eager-to-please, do-what-I-tell-you-to sex.” – Miranda, Sex And The City


We all know at least one person who loves being rejected by us. They are certifiable masochists.  One would think that if you rejected a person once that the pursuer would leave the pursued alone. Not always. Sometimes, they take a break for a few months, thinking that you will change your mind. Why would you change your mind when they look worse, and act more juvenile than they did before? Answer: You wouldn't. To make matters worse, they have taken up pungent breath as a hobby.

This may be somebody that you tolerate in mixed company, but the thought of being in a relationship with them makes your throat start to constrict and the walls start closing in and speaking to you. It is like an emotional pet dander allergy.

So let's say that you can't stand a non-potential suitor, but you have a lapse in judgement and decide to enter into what I like to call an agreement/arrangement with them. You would be in charge of establishing the ground rules.  Below is a sample letter of intent...

Dear Somebody Who I Might Hug Lying Down As A Sport, But I Would Rather Shove Bamboo Underneath My Fingernails Than Date You,

Below are the rules for our string less commitment:

Rule #1: Think of each encounter as a separate experience and erase it from your memory. Just because it happened, once, twice or 26 times does not mean that it will happen again. This also means don't call me, text me, email me, send me a message in a bottle or advertise the necessity of seeing me with a skywriter or a Goodyear blimp. I will contact you.

Rule #2: There will be no hanging out. We can hang out together with our mutual friends, however, the two of us will not be hanging out alone. This means no dog walking, TV watching, newspaper reading, etc.

Rule #3: Do not ask me to be your date to a wedding, funeral, work function or your class reunion and by all means DO NOT list me as your emergency contact. I do not care if you have the flu or broke your leg after tripping over a pool stick.

Rule #4:  Do not ask where I live.

Rule #5: There can be no jealousy. Enough said.

Rule #6: Even if somebody asks, DON'T TELL. If you don't know how to keep your mouth shut then purchase a KFC style bucket of discretion and funnel it like a beer at a college frat party. Either that or pull a Motley Crue circa 1983 move and mainline it like heroin. This rule is more like a warning. If you tell anyone, I will deny it and then jack you up.

P.S.  I think you are a wonderful person, just not the person for me.

P.P.S.  I am a liar.

P.S.P.S.  That means I am lying about you being a wonderful person.

*I need to give credit where credit is due.  I would like to thank the latest loser who inspired me.

I Am Fabulous, But Not Because I Am Single

"I've been dating since I was 15. I'm exhausted! Where is he?"
~Charlotte York, Sex & The City

Two days after my Alma Mater gave away their conference title like warm blankets at Christmas to homeless people my mom inquired as to if they could win their bowl game.  My response was, "who knows?"  What can I say?  I was highly frustrated.  It was a sense of frustration that vodka couldn't even cure.  Black tar heroin may have been able to do the trick, but I am not that kind of girl.  I repeat, I am not that kind of girl.  No team wins when they allow 90% of 3rd downs to be completed by their opponent.  They looked like Whitney Houston during her Barbara Walter's interview in 1993...All shaken up about crack.  I should have known my team would struggle, since a few of their wins were somewhat suspect.  That afternoon my mom emailed me and asked me if everything was okay.  That evening she called and asked if everything was okay.  Obviously, she assumed that all was not well in my world due to my response.  If I didn't assure her that everything was okay, I am sure that she would have resorted to cross stitching the question on a pillow.  I told her that nothing unusual was bothering me.  The "usual" being the fact that once again, I didn't wake up in the morning next to my hot Italian husband who has a sense of humor to match mine.  Yes, I have a thing for men of slight color.  I love, love, love Italian men, however, I have been known to confuse/substitute them with a tamale roller or drug dealer or two.

A couple of years after a high school, I started dating a guy that I stayed with for 8 years.  Man, was he a loser and I knew it!  My parents knew it too.  Up until about a year ago, my mom would sporadically remind me that it would not be a good idea for me to ever get back together with him.  I did not need a reminder.  My bad memories served me well.

A few years ago, he contacted me via a social networking site and like a dumbass I gave him my number.  I must have been in an advanced stage of drinking that evening.  He said he wanted to be friends.  I was okay with being friends until he asked me what color panties I was wearing one night.  Either, we had different definitions of what friends meant or he was lying about his intentions.  I will go with the latter, since he was a big, fat liar to begin with!  He put the final nail in his coffin with that comment.  He really crossed the line and once he did that I drew my line with black tar.  My line basically said. "Go play in traffic!"  I should have shanked him in the kidney years ago.

After I suffered through an 8 year relationship with him, it was time to play, be free, and discover who I really was.  Who was I?  I was Diane and I had the nameplate necklace specially ordered from Patricia Field in NYC to prove it.  Unfortunately, that necklace became a victim of a vacuum cleaner one day.  I was a true player AND I crushed a lot.  I was single and fabulous.  My signature move seemed to be smoking Cuban cigars out of my front stoop in my see-thru pj's.  Guys always seemed to love that look.  Ironically, I did not plan that.  I just did it.  I never do anything on purpose to attract attention.  I just do what I do.  Everything is an accident.  When I looked in the mirror, I saw somebody who was confident and molten-lava hot.  I was the belle of the ball at every bar I frequented.  I traveled a lot and I seemed to have a knack for choosing guys that I wouldn't have to commit to i.e. out-of-towners or the guy in the military being shipped off to Afghanistan.  I wasn't sure what I wanted.  All I know is that I was in some sort of downward spiral with the letters "L-O-V-E" wrapped around it and I took a lot of hearts down with me.

So here we are 10 years later.  I am still single and I am fabulous, yet I am not single and fabulous.  Nor am I desperate, however, I crave a solid relationship with somebody who is stable and who is my biggest fan.  I now feel as though I want what I used to fear.  I want the guy who I never thought I wanted.  I don't want a rock star.  Instead, I want somebody who stars in the sitcom titled "Reliable and Stable".  I always went after the jerk/junkie.  It was as if I organized a line-up of the ten biggest losers and said, "Look mommy. I want that one!"  I would always kick and scream until I landed the biggest jerk.  And where did that land me?  In the land of cooking for one, because losers have a shelf life.  And, leftovers only last so long before they start to decompose like roadkill.

So now all I can do is wait.  My only other option would be to start serving samples of my delicious cooking on the frozen food aisle at Kroger while handing out cards to eligible men that have my airbrushed picture on the front of the card and my phone number on the back of the card just in case they need the recipe.  What's the big rush?  I want a live-in that I can "hug the HELL out of lying down" whenever I want.

BTW, I am okay.  I am never alone.  I have an awesome cat and I have a great family and circle of friends, as well, as a nifty crew of colorful acquaintances and if that ends up not being enough I can always get lost in my own brain which is a pretty interesting place to vacation.  And, if you are wondering what happened to all of the hearts I broke...They all got married so I am guessing they are just fine.  They may be bored, but they are okay.

Fear & Loathing In The Deep Fried Snickers Bar

DISCLAIMER Part 1: I am by no means picking on the person who used to be the fat kid. You can't prevent genetics, however, you can prevent laziness.

DISCLAIMER Part 2: Prepare to be offended if you are lazy. I make no apologies.

I compare health and fitness to college. I once had a charming asshole tell me that college was not about getting a degree and a job in a relevant field, but that it was about being disciplined and becoming polished. That might have been the only credible thing he ever said or did. I have to agree. It takes a lot of discipline to get up and go to class after a night of partying. Even if you decide to not go, you are still responsible for making a huge decision. The same goes for exercising. Does anybody really want to get out of bed early to workout? I don't, but I do it anyway. Life is not always fair. If I stay in bed that extra 15 minutes that I could be doing crunches will I have a better day? No. If I get out of bed 15 minutes early and do crunches will I have a better day? Maybe not, but I will feel better about myself.

There are two kinds of people. There are people who decide to make healthy choices when it comes to eating and exercise and there are those who say "screw it, my metabolism isn't as fast as it used to be so I am just going to be fat and happy." Why do I care? Why is is my business? Because I have to look at their fat asses and sit next to them on airplanes. On a bad day, there is nothing like some major arm fat to piss me off. I know, I know...It's really something going on inside of me and it has nothing to do with them, however, their fat is the catalyst. I can just as easily get annoyed with the person who talks about their daily gym trips, but not as much. For those who brag about how much they exercise, I get it. Trust me I get it, but please put your pom-poms down. On the other hand, I guess we all need something to brag about. I choose to brag about cocktail hour.

We all know those annoying people who check into restaurants with no healthy choices on foursquare all day long. How cute is it to envision someone who is saying "yummm, Starbucks frappuccino" and then 2 hours later "yummm, Hooters chicken wings"? Not cute when you envision them going back to work and plugging their ass with doughnuts in order to pad their desk chair. These are the same people who complain all day long. These people are not "fat and happy". Sure I get aggravated throughout the day, but it is hardly ladylike to broadcast it to the universe.

Sure there are days where I think I might trade my right arm for a chicken finger pizza, however, when I see that chocolate cake in Kroger I do not take it home like a prom date.

There are ways to make it somewhat entertaining. My best co-worker and I track our weight weekly on a chart. She goes by Lil' Court and I go by Diane Smalls. If you don't understand the reference then I suggest you brush up on your gangsta rap. Think Junior Mafia circa the early 90's.

A lot of people eat because they are bored. Not hungry, but bored to tears. This happens to me quite frequently at work. Instead of stuffing my face with Twizzlers, I make a cup of hot tea. Contrary to popular belief, Twizzlers are not good for you and they do not represent one of the major food groups. If that were the case candy corn could be classified as a vegetable. Low-fat candy. Really?

Before anyone calls me on it, because I know somebody will, oh yes I do, I know a segment of the population has health problems which prevent them from being super skinny bitches, however, I know several of these people and they work hard at being healthy and it shows.

Do I get an A+ in P.E. every single day? Not no, but Hell no! If I did, I would be cascading down a runway in a bra and panties with giant angel wings strapped to my back. I do, however, get an A+ with extra credit in the creative department every single day. When I am craving nachos I do not consort with the nearest Mexican cartel in order to feed my desires. I make them myself minus the chips. This way I know what ingredients are being added and they are healthier. I guess technically without the chips they are not nachos, but whatever. I use grilled chicken and black beans along with sour cream and cheese which I use sparingly. Dr. Atkins thought it was okay to take a bath in cheese and ranch dressing, but I think he might have been a few sandwiches short of a picnic.

Ultimately, it is someone's personal choice if they want to take care of themselves and it is none of my business, however, I think that people are really selling themselves short if they don't take care of themselves.

The most important person to look good for and be healthy for is yourself, however, it is nice to be easy on the eyes for other people.

I don't just want a man to open the door for me. I want a man to pick me up and carry me through that door and how is he going to be able to do that if my ass is too heavy to lift or too fat to fit through a door?

And, men want to be with the girl that when everyone sees her they say, "He must get down on his knees every night and thank God that he is with her."  They definitely do not want to hear, " Awww, poor thing.  They must have been high school sweethearts."