Deck The Halls With Balls Of Horry...Fah Rah Rah Rah Rah Rah Rah Rah~The Ghost Of Christmas Past

I know Christmas is approaching, because I have been freezing my cute little tushy off in mini-dresses the last few days, and have also been hearing all of my favorite Christmas songs on the radio. It takes two songs to get me in the mood for Christmas...Only two..."Last Christmas" by George Michael and "Christmas in Hollis" by Run DMC. It takes two, not to be confused with "It Takes Two" by Rob Base. Believe it or not, that song actually had a moment amongst all of the other bad 90's tunes. Honestly, I'm not going to lie. If I heard Rob Base right now I would dance all around my apartment like it was 1999. BTW, NYE 1999 wasn't as thrilling as I thought it would be. Okay, enough is enough, I am talking about Christmas memories and not how ADD affects your attention span.

Some of my best Christmas memories involve car rides. When my sister and I were little, my mother would load us up in the car with blankets and hot cocoa. She made sure that we were in our best pajamas. The purpose of the car ride was to drive around the neighborhood and look at Christmas lights, however, I think I ended up suffereing permanent brain damage. My mother had a pimp-ass Ford Falcon. It was red and it was smokin'. There was one small problem with the Falcon. It had a hole in the floor board of the driver's side. The hole was covered up by the floor mat, but somehow God intended for carbon monoxide to penetrate through the hole and kill my brain. I am convinced it was the carbon monoxide and not all of the Mary Jane I smoked as a teenager.

Another entertaining car ride occurred a few years ago. My entire family which included my parental units, sister and brother-in-law and maybe even a dog drove to see some sort of light extravaganza on Lake Lanier. One yard featured a Santa figure who kept bending down and bobbing. Let's just say it appeared that Santa was simulating an exercise of oral pleasure. Next I heard, "hmmmm...what is Santa doing"? That question will stay with me until the day I die.

I have too many other Christmas memories to list, but I have to add that my sister and I would play the "How The Grinch Stole Christmas" LP over and over and over just like a broken record. We still randomly ask each other "Santy Claus, why are you stealing our Christmas tree"?

Last but not least, my father took me to see "A Christmas Story" when it first came out in the theater. Yes, I am old, but I thank Baby Jesus this Christmas that I still look good!

Happy Holidays!

Best Friends Forever~An Acceptable Excuse To Act Silly

I know all those people. I have friendly, social, and criminal relations with the whole lot of them.
-- Mark Twain

My birthday this year reminded me of how much I value my friendships with my girlfriends. I have always had an opinion about those girls who say that they have very few girlfriends, because they get along with guys better. What? We all get along with guys better "in bed" unless you are of the lesbian persuasion which I am down with like 4 flat tires.

The end of my 37th year and the beginning of my 38th year started out with 2 of my favorite girlfriends who I traditionally spend Friday nights with. In fact, the first night all three of us ever partied together, I broke up with my boyfriend right after I got home. In the beginning of the evening we were all a mess. We always have alcohol and not a single one of us came with the usual bottle of wine or champagne. I literally started shaking and almost burst into the most glorious panic attack because I was ready to get the party started. So there we went...Off into a sunset filled with men that would want to buy all of us birthday shots for the rest of the night. I think we forgot that we were in Atlanta. It felt more like Miami. The night was eventful to say the least...The very least. I met a real estate agent/drug dealer in a bathroom, I made friends in traffic and I ran through several parking lots in an attempt to ditch a stage five clinger while my friend kept yelling, "don't stop, he is going to be able to notice my hot pink shoes!" Needless to say, the night ended with me wanting to expel all of the liquor that I consumed.

Now on to day 2 which was my actual birthday. I spent most of the day hungover, but once nightime fell I was ready to go again. This time, it seemed more like Vegas. I picked out a dress that screamed, "not a one night stand, but maybe?" I was off for another night on the town. I had no idea what was in store for me until I hit the first bar. Birthday shots were what was in store for me. After a dose of club hopping, my girlfriend and I stopped by a neighborhood lounge, and well the rest is history. Somehow, I sinned in sin city.

On day 3, after all of the drinks, presents, birthday wishes and romps, I realized that the best present I received is a gift that I am able to partake of year round and that is quite simply my friendships with my girlfriends. They will always be there to tell me that if a guy doesn't like me it is because he is gay!