The College Experiment In Hasty Judgement: The Walk Of Shame Hall of Fame

Welcome to college ladies. The standard college acceptance letter should state that you cannot graduate until you have spent the night in a frat house.  Face it ladies.  At some point in college we all wore our panties to keep our ankles warm.

Frat guys know all the tricks to get a girl to hug them lying down.  The one that usually works is to give her another beer.  Enough beers and she will be screaming her mating call out at the top of her lungs.  It goes a little like this.  "I'm sooooooo drunk, I'm sooooooo drunk."

Praise anyone that you can think of that I only had one of those experiences.  I did pretty good considering Florida State was voted the ultimate party school.  When I attended the motto was that you could always retake a class, however, you could never relive a party.

Sooo here we go.  I went to a party one night with my friends at the Pi Kappa Phi house.  It is amazing that I still remember that detail.  I was drinking and doing my thing and then out of the blue some guy just plants one on me, and to this day it may have been the best kiss ever.  Sad, but true.  A week later I found out that his name was "Clay", because I was friends with one of his frat brothers and he was asking about me.  My friend, whose name I don't even remember escorted me to meet "Clay" at around, let's say an inappropriate hour.  We met at the Westcott Fountain which was centrally located between my dorm and his frat house.  We played in the fountain, I fell off the top of the fountain and well you know the rest.  A few days later was parent's weekend and I had a lovely bruise which scaled my entire thigh to show off to my parents.  I kept in classy in Tallahassee for sure.

So about a week later my friend told me that "Clay" had a note on his door with simply a broken heart drawn on it.  He wanted to know if it was me.  Are you kidding me?!  Some girls may be unlike toilets in the sense that a toilet doesn't follow you around for a week after you use it, but not me!  It was a totally unforgettable experience and I wouldn't have left a note on his door even if I was sleepwalking. 

One night I had a dream that my father said these words to me before I left for college.

You can date each and every KA, but bring home a SigEp for a husband.

You can party with the Delts, and it's fine to date a Lambda, but when it's time to marry, be sure to find a SigEp.  Pi Kapp's can be on your agenda, and ATO's are fun for a date, but never, ever forget that you'll want a SigEp as your mate.

We want you to enjoy your college years and give all the fraternities a spin, but never accept a ring unless Sigma Phi Epsilon is on his pin.

During your four years of college, you'll go from one house to another, but take the advice of your smiling ole dad and bring home a SigEp to your mother.

MY ONE ROMP WITH A PI KAPP MUST BE THE REASON WHY I NEVER MARRIED. : )

The Key To Happiness Is Running Over People Who Are Losers And Turning Them Into Speed Bumps

We have all made the mistake of giving energy to a situation that reeks of failure like a mayonnaise and Swiss cheese sandwich that has been in the trunk of your car for a week.  Some of us learn from that mistake and some of us just keep repeating it.

Not only are you allowing someone to rent space for free in your head, but you are letting them occupy a luxury suite at the St. Regis why you are sitting at home eating Ramen noodles.

This does not necessarily apply to relationships with people of the opposite sex or the same sex if you like Cher and lots of glitter.  It can apply to a family member, co-worker, the mail carrier, etc.

Think.  Think about the negatives.  There's no point in losing your sleep over an individual that you know you won't be able to maintain a healthy relationship with.  It's not going to happen, it's not worth it, you're wasting your time.  End of story.  Cry a river, build a bridge and get over it, because chances are that UPS guy that stops in your office everyday that you slobber all over will get a new route and you can focus your attention on the next one.  If you are lucky, FedEx will make frequent stops too.  I wouldn't know because my UPS guy is a fluffy bald guy and FedEx is represented by a 60 year old woman who looks like she has alot of experience with women.

This doesn't mean that you have to cease all contact with this person.  There is no need to delete their number or defriend them on facebook.  Hopefully, you stop melting underneath them before you start building real resentments.  When you hold resentment toward someone, you are building an unwanted emotional connection with them that is stronger than cement.  You can color on that cement with fluorescent chalk and try to make it appear different, but it isn't going to change things.  It is still cement that people have publicly urinated on and a cracked foundation at that.

These relationships are like a night celebratory drinking.  You  feed on them again and again, and while they hurt you like a massive hangover each time, you just can't let go of it.  However, if you want to be happy, YOU HAVE TO LET GO. 

Moral Of The Story: If you plant flower seeds in a weed garden, flowers will not sprout.  Weeds will.  Someone once drew me a picture of a flower and told me that I was a pretty flower, therefore, I choose not to hang out with weeds.

Manthers VS. Cougars ~ The Battle Of The Sexes & Age Disparity

"There Is Always A 20 Year Old Out There Looking To Hook Up With Mrs. Robinson."
~Me, As I Approached 30.

I can't remember the last time I went out with someone my age or older than me.  To determine the youngest person you should date, take one half of your age, and add seven years.  You shouldn’t date anyone younger than that.  I am no math scholar, however, I have faith in my calculator and it states that I could still get away with dating/bedding  a college student in an MBA program.  Men should take their age, divide by two and add seven.  Apparently, men are supposed to date younger women and women can "get away with" dating younger men.  As usual, there appears to be a double standard.  Shocking!

They say that men mature slower than women.  Personally, I think that when men reach their 40's they just start to digress and need their bananas mashed up.  They also need to be the center of attention and are frequently selfish. However, all charming people are spoiled.  Trust me, I should know.  They get hormonal too.  I can't decide if I should ask them if they need a diaper or a tampon.  They appear to be menopausal hence the prefix "men".  There are easier things in life then dating men like this like nailing jelly to a tree for example.  And if I do come across single men my age or older they resemble a pumpkin who has had everything scraped out of his head with a spoon.

Ultimately, I would like to spend my life with someone my age.  Someone who remembers Jiffy Pop, Atari, the invention of the microwave and so on, but if I was meant to be with someone my age I think he already got hit by a truck.  For now, I think I will just THOROUGHLY enjoy dating younger men.  It was fun when I did it before.  I actually started perfecting the art of being a goddess to younger men when I was 28.  I had just exited an 8 year relationship with a complete bottom feeder who was beneath me and might I add did not know how to get beneath me in the right way.  I was free and I was ready to see the free world.  I lived in a college town so I was swimming in a sea of Freshmen.  My only hang up at the time was that I felt I had to compete with every younger guys crush on Britney Spears, but nobody wants to even hear about that train wreck now so I am in business.  It's Britney Bitch!