Forget About It!

When you hold resentment toward another, you are bound to that person or condition by an emotional link that is stronger than steel. Forgiveness is the only way to dissolve that link and get free. ~ Catherine Ponder

It's called a break-up, because it's broken like that vinyl 45 your mother split in half because you would not clean up your room, yet we all have different ways of dealing with the demise of a relationship. It doesn't matter who broke up with who. You still go through a string of emotions that make you feel as if you are one fit away from a straight jacket and a padded cell. Anger is a standard emotion, yet it is also a secondary emotion. For a secondary emotion, anger can feel pretty prominent. You think about a career change. That career being a life-ruiner. You conjure up mind games that would make Albert Einstein's head spin and brain explode.

Your first order of business is training for the annual Victoria's Secret fashion show. Looking good is the best revenge.

You constantly poke fun at your ex as if they were the Pillsbury Dough Boy.

You may even take your communication level back to middle school by prank calling them. *67 overpowers *69 every day of the week and twice on Sundays.

Post break-up there are so many twists and turns. The journey is like traveling down the yellow brick road, but instead of meeting the scarecrow, cowardly lion, tin man and the wizard, you meet despair, resentment and denial. The wicked witch comes in the form of the herd of monkeys on your back. You must meet "forgiveness" in order to heal.

Until you have completely moved on you will not be available to stand in line to get on the roller coaster with somebody else, because you can't ride two horses with one ass. Also, unless they are complete morons, which you don't want anyway, I think potential suitors can sense when you are not over somebody. So forgive, before you get caught being stuck and stranded at the gate. Best of all, when trouble walks back into your life disguised as your ex-boyfriend you won't even notice.

P.S. I forgive you...

Tales Of Drinking

I took my first "real drink" in middle school. By real drink I mean Jack Daniels who I might add is the most reliable boyfriend I ever had. I babysat for this couple who had a stocked liquor cabinet at all times. One night I raided their liquor cabinet. I didn't want to make my thievery too obvious so I put a little bit of this and a little bit of that in empty mason jars. How Southern of me. I remember being in total fear as the father drove me home, because you could hear rumblings of all kinds of liquid in my purse. Little did I know, but he had other things on his mind. He had just come home from taking his wife out to tell her that he was leaving her for an interior designer that worked for him. Yes, I hold the title of babysitting while a divorce was in the making and a heart was breaking. I remember offering my little sister some whiskey. She cautiously dipped her finger in it. I waited for a response. She hated it. That moment will forever be etched in my memory, because now she will more than likely suck the alcohol out of a deodorant stick.

Once I turned 16, my college prep work entailed drinking Boone's Farm. My posse referred to it as Strawberry Hill. Every Friday and Saturday night we would venture off into the ghetto and make our purchase. With Chevy Blazers and Ford Broncos full of kids we always had massive orders which were brought out to us in cardboard boxes. My order was always the same. I got two bottles of Strawberry Hill each time.  You would have thought that my mission was to start foaming at the mouth.  I think I stayed so thin, because I puked a lot.  I got busted by the cops during spring break of my senior year.  Even though I was completely passed out I knew I smelt bacon.  Luckily for me, they called my parents to come get me and sent me on my way.  After my father retrieved me and took me home my parents kept telling me that they didn't raise me to act that way.  TRUE!  They raised me in such a manner that I would want to drink more.  I made it worse by hanging over the toilet and confessing to my mother that I had recently lost my virginity.  I always seem to know how to kick people when they are down.

Before I left for college, I spent the summer at the Holiday Inn Gazebo on the beach.  My best friend was of age so she would sneak me these alcoholic drinks referred to as "frozen things".  One day it was hot as HELL and I skipped breakfast.  Needless to say I was still working on maintaining my figure by puking.  We were just about to leave the beach when I went to go shower off.  This loser started hitting on me and I don't know what he was thinking.  It looked like I had Bain de Soleil all over my face.  That was a messy day.

Once I went off the Florida State I never went to a fraternity party without my nickel beer mug.  I always kept that thing full of Malibu coconut rum and orange soda.  Wow, have my preferences changed.  Once, I turned 21 it just wasn't as fun to drink anymore, however when I entered the corporate world I took it up as a hobby.  I started drinking everything I could get my hands on and I am still there.  I am no quitter!

Making A List And Checking It Twice...Life In Lists

Tell me your secrets. Everybody has secrets. What are yours? We all have quirky little things that we prefer. I myself, enjoy savoring the aroma of ashes as well as ice. I know, beyond weird. Examining my unique quirks prompted me to make a list of the things I like. There are several books that you can use to write lists in. One of the more popular books is My Listography: My Amazing Life in Lists by Lisa Nola and Nathaniel Russell. I recently purchased This Is Not a Book by Keri Smith at Urban Outfitters which leads me to my list.

I like:
Urban Outfitters, butterscotch, Cheese Whiz in the can, garter belts, Jimi Hendrix, pork, antiques, crosses, vampires, Voo Doo dolls, dorks, sea monkeys, fuzzy blankets, grape cigars, decoupage, candy cane green tea, baseball players, cupcakes, mirrors, skulls, wine, candles, crunchy ice, The scent of babies and men, pistachios, vodka, CHANEL, wood floors, The Rolling Stones, sunshine, menthol, road trips, Bob Marley, Bushwackers, honeysuckles, the beach, mini-dresses, books, cats, bikinis, oysters, orchids, gnomes, horses, baked brie, rosaries, green eyes, boots, Run DMC, General Hospital, scarves, heart shaped cutting boards, eggnog, bunnies, champagne, football, cranberry chevre, disco balls, motorcycles, tattoos, rock candy, boyfriend shorts, lingonberries, candles, skyscrapers, sushi in moderation, stained glass, pearls, picture frames, hot pink records, blowing on Dandelions, vintage dresses, board games, pillows, a little bit of scruff, astrology, Christmas lights, hot cocoa. My list could go on and on, but I don't want to bore you. This is already the most boring blog I have ever written.

Start making your lists! If you don't have a book to write in then write your list on envelopes that bills have come in. You know the kind. The envelopes that you rip into and throw the bill away without looking at it thinking that you will pay it when you start to actually make some "real money". Don't forget to decorate your list!

Peace Of Mind Equals A Piece Of Your Mind

Have you ever been around somebody who was an absolute tyrant? Somebody who was so insufferable that you wanted to cut them? I think we have all have had to deal with people like this whether it be a co-worker, acquaintance or family member and this is exactly why I carry a blade. Yes a blade! As a fashionably conscious woman though, it is masked in a lipstick tube and a cool lipstick tube at that. Think retro Estee Lauder.

I once worked with a girl who I wanted to spit nails at every time she walked by. She was a fat bitch in every sense of the word. I hated her and I knew she secretly hated me. For the record I hated her, because she hated me. What really perplexed me is that she told me some juicy gossip about herself which I really could have used to ruin her life which I haven't, YET, and then she proceeded to be an even bigger bitch to me after that. I thought to myself, "are you kidding me?" Unbeknownst to her, she did not want a piece of me. I was ready to throw her in an industrial restaurant style oven and bake her and serve her up as the infamous appetizer favored among rednecks know as a "pig in a blanket". I debated each day whether or not I should take on the role of "life ruiner" in her life. Finally I just threw my hands in the air and ended our acquaintance. What I really wanted to do was to tell her to go play in traffic with all of the other big people and by other big people I mean 18 wheelers, but she was in charge of payroll and I needed shopping money. So instead of giving "big girl" a piece of my mind, I walked out with my head held high and my nose even higher in the air. I just kept telling myself that "karma is a bitch" and "what goes around comes around." Most importantly, I am a Scorpio. Enough said!

My Christmas Tree Has Fallen And I Don't Feel Like Picking It Up

If I hear one more person exclaim that they put on weight during the holidays I am going to ask them if pounds have been added to their ego. My idea of celebrating the twelve days of Christmas this year involves hibernating with Evan Williams egg nog. Tis' the season to be in a very bad mood. I'm just not feeling it this year which brings me to thoughts of the best Christmas ever.

Throughout the years we had always spent Christmas day with my grandmother, however, one year she was missing because we did not want to drag her out of her glorified nursing home. Poor Granny. She was so old that she ran out of breath moving from the living room to the dining room table. We were eating lunch and my father came up with the greatest idea ever. He thought we should get in the car and drive to New Orleans. Now he was speaking my language! So we all piled in the car and jetted off to the "Big Easy". Once we got there we walked around in the cold rain for what seemed like a lifetime looking for a place that was open. Yes, it was Christmas day, but it was New Orleans. They say that New York City is the city that never sleeps, but whoever coined that phrase has never been to New Orleans. We finally found a supper club that was open. We ate dinner and listened to jazz. After leaving the restaurant we went back to our hotel if you can call it that. The only hotel my father could find was a Ramada in the French Quarter that needed some serious help. Remodeling in progress. Really? I felt as if I was in an Alfred Hitchcock movie. While taking a shower I honestly feared that I would be stabbed over and over and over. As all good things have to come to an end, we woke up the next morning and Christmas was over and I didn't have to think about it again. As I reflect on this trip I realize that this Christmas too shall pass.

Bah Cockroach!

FSU...The Ultimate Party School...From The Metro Conference To The ACC

Memories...Light the corners of my mind...

Even though I love sports, I never blog about about them, because there is usually nothing humorous about losing. Besides, it's not like I am Erin Andrews. There is only room for one beautiful, leggy blonde in sports and she took that title a long time ago.

In August of 1991, I ventured off to Florida State University. I had the opportunity to live the dream that so many teenagers wanted and that was to be a Florida State Seminole. I went to FSU when it was cool, before it joined the ACC. Yes, the ACC did alot for FSU, but at the same time once they joined the ACC, NIKE took over all of their branding. It was much more fun being independent. There were bumper stickers that read "I Bleed Garnet And Gold" and "Kiss Me I'm A Nole", as well as t-shirts that read "You Can Always Retake A Class, Bur you Can Never Relive A Party...FSU...The Ultimate Party School. There were also t-shirts that saluted players like Casey Weldon and Amp Lee. Two of my favorites read, "Dinner Tonight At Doak Campbell Will Be Served Wel-Don" and "It Takes (however so many) Lights To Light Up Doak Campbell, But It Only Takes One Amp".

One of my greatest memories was at a house party hosted by the baseball team. Dan Mowry who was the kicker at the time walked in and boasted, "when are you going to play some country music"? One of the guests came back and shouted, "when you learn how to play football"! I think he was just hoping to hear "Friends In Low Places" by Garth Brooks. Those were the days. The days of the infamous "wide right and wide left". The days of people crying on street corners outside Doak Campbell Stadium after a close loss to Miami. The days of one of the best wins in college football history when FSU smacked the shit out of Michigan.

After joining the ACC, FSU did go on to win two national championships, as well as play for several national championship titles. FSU earned the right to sport rubber alligators with garnet and gold spears piercing through them after the "choak at Doak". There was also this great baseball cap that was green and had a spear piercing a clover which was made to poke fun at Notre Dame after we beat them a few times. Those were definitely the days.

And, if you haven't been to a home game at FSU then you have truly missed something spectacular...The "chop" performed by 80,000 plus fans and of course, Chief Osceola riding out on to the field on Renegade the horse and planting the spear at the 50 yard line.

With Bobby Bowden leaving, it is the end of an era, but as Shelby exclaimed in Steel Magnolias, there are still good times to be had!