One treacherous morning I woke up and discovered that I was suffering from a variety of innovation illnesses. I attribute this to the unhealthy corporate environment that I work in. I knew that if I left this unchecked, that it could be fatal. There was a skinny bitch inside of me dying to get out and I asked myself what to do. The answer finally came to me. Feed her a cupcake! That 25 watt dim bulb in my head started to flicker. At that moment I decided to pursue cake decorating. Who did I think I was channeling? The Ace of Cakes?! Right. I dreamt that this would be my winning lottery ticket, because playing the lottery has worked out so well for me in the past. So, I embarked on 4 weeks of a beginning cake decorating class. It was a tragic mess from day one. I constantly found myself smothered, covered and scattered in sugary, buttercream icing. The worst part was being upstaged by set of elementary school aged twins. Each class, I envisioned the scary twin girls from "The Shining". I was so relieved when the class was over. It was like an experiment in fattening terror and I was ready to be set free and drop a dress size. The coup de grace occurred when I volunteered to make my sister cupcakes for her birthday. Ever heard the term "hot mess"? Certainly you have if you have ever indulged in being any form of a fag hag. I made the cupcakes with baking mix from Trader Joe's. DISCLAIMER: I love Trader Joe's, however, it is not good for everything. These cupcakes turned out to be biscuits with icing. I knew that if I let them harden, they could possibly make good dog treats for Halloween, if that. The morning after my sister's birthday, she facebooked me and told me that she ate the cupcakes for breakfast and that they were good enough to eat. Well, in the movie "Alive", circa 1993, they thought humans were good enough to eat. On a positive note, my apartment smelled of cakes for a month which helped overpower the odor of the cat litter that I forgot to change. Oops. Sorry Izabella.
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