A Man's Best Friend May Be A Dog, But A Girl's Best Friend Is A Gay Man

Jack:  Is that you God?

Cher:  Well, it depends on what bath house you pray at.

After a few decades of dating unsuccessfully, not to mention dating unsuccessful men I stumbled upon a different breed of men.  Yes, I am talking about a girl’s best friend…The gay man.  There he was.  Instead of a loser in aluminum foil he was a knight in shining armor.  Actually he was a knight in shiny Prada and glittery Dolce and Gabbana.  Okay, okay, the designer labels came later.  The first night I met him he was in only his underwear serving shots at a luau themed party at the local pansexual playground.

Throughout the years I have enjoyed many shopping trips to Pier 1 and Z Gallerie with him as well as some fabulous dinners.  He loved to play a little game that he coined as “left, right, left”.  Let’s just say the rules of the game involved those 3 little words prompting me to simulate Mardi Gras activities.  He also doubled as a stay at home DJ.  He made the best remix CD’s.  CD’s that would make the neighbors whom were of the senior citizen mentality complain to the neighborhood association as well as the police.  To this day one of my most prized possessions is a hot pink Madonna LP that he gave me.  Hot pink vinyl I tell you.  He knows Madonna better than she knows herself.

By far the best gift he ever gave me was escorting me into “bitchdom”.  He coached me into being a real bitch.  I was his break-out star.  He took all of my amazing qualities and exploited them.  He showed me and the rest of the world that I am truly a “gem”.  I attribute my abundance of self-confidence to him.  Without my gay BFF I would be, well I would be me and just a smidge less confident.  Just a smidge.

If you have not been blessed enough to find a gay best friend then what are you waiting for?  Go out and find one!