Tales Of Drinking

I took my first "real drink" in middle school. By real drink I mean Jack Daniels who I might add is the most reliable boyfriend I ever had. I babysat for this couple who had a stocked liquor cabinet at all times. One night I raided their liquor cabinet. I didn't want to make my thievery too obvious so I put a little bit of this and a little bit of that in empty mason jars. How Southern of me. I remember being in total fear as the father drove me home, because you could hear rumblings of all kinds of liquid in my purse. Little did I know, but he had other things on his mind. He had just come home from taking his wife out to tell her that he was leaving her for an interior designer that worked for him. Yes, I hold the title of babysitting while a divorce was in the making and a heart was breaking. I remember offering my little sister some whiskey. She cautiously dipped her finger in it. I waited for a response. She hated it. That moment will forever be etched in my memory, because now she will more than likely suck the alcohol out of a deodorant stick.

Once I turned 16, my college prep work entailed drinking Boone's Farm. My posse referred to it as Strawberry Hill. Every Friday and Saturday night we would venture off into the ghetto and make our purchase. With Chevy Blazers and Ford Broncos full of kids we always had massive orders which were brought out to us in cardboard boxes. My order was always the same. I got two bottles of Strawberry Hill each time.  You would have thought that my mission was to start foaming at the mouth.  I think I stayed so thin, because I puked a lot.  I got busted by the cops during spring break of my senior year.  Even though I was completely passed out I knew I smelt bacon.  Luckily for me, they called my parents to come get me and sent me on my way.  After my father retrieved me and took me home my parents kept telling me that they didn't raise me to act that way.  TRUE!  They raised me in such a manner that I would want to drink more.  I made it worse by hanging over the toilet and confessing to my mother that I had recently lost my virginity.  I always seem to know how to kick people when they are down.

Before I left for college, I spent the summer at the Holiday Inn Gazebo on the beach.  My best friend was of age so she would sneak me these alcoholic drinks referred to as "frozen things".  One day it was hot as HELL and I skipped breakfast.  Needless to say I was still working on maintaining my figure by puking.  We were just about to leave the beach when I went to go shower off.  This loser started hitting on me and I don't know what he was thinking.  It looked like I had Bain de Soleil all over my face.  That was a messy day.

Once I went off the Florida State I never went to a fraternity party without my nickel beer mug.  I always kept that thing full of Malibu coconut rum and orange soda.  Wow, have my preferences changed.  Once, I turned 21 it just wasn't as fun to drink anymore, however when I entered the corporate world I took it up as a hobby.  I started drinking everything I could get my hands on and I am still there.  I am no quitter!