Welcome To The Third Grade: He Likes You, But Hasn't Asked You Out...How To Tell A Boy That You Like Him

Common dilemma: Your friends tell you he likes you. You like him too, but he has never asked you out. You start to wonder if he really does like you. Why wouldn't he? Everybody likes you. You are a well-liked socialite and you exude buttercups and butterflies at all times. Well most of the time. Of course he likes you!

You can tell if a guy likes you if he tells someone. If he speaks highly of you and tells your friends that he thinks "you are cool", he likes you. Extra points apply if he tells your best friend.

If he asks you questions about yourself, he wants to know more about so obviously, he likes you.

AND, if you write a blog and star on a talk show like me and he follows your writing and your episodes well then that is just fabulous, BECAUSE HE REALLY LIKES YOU!

So he likes you, but he hasn't asked you out. What could be the possible reasons and what do you do to change that? Maybe, just maybe, you intimidate him. Maybe he is terrified that you will reject him. This type of guy is so hard to read. This is the guy who has eaten too many bowls of "shyness" with a side of "social awkwardness" for breakfast. In the back of your mind you are thinking that he must be a complete moron if he can't see that you have a major school girl crush on him, but men can't read between the lines. They are wonderful, yet simple creatures and you must SIMPLIFY things for them. To them, just because you have shown them affection on a few occasions at 3 AM doesn't mean that you are into them. Sure they have been "in you", but to them that means that they were just another notch on your belt as opposed to the traditional vice versa scenario. If you have been casually intimate with a guy and you don't cling to him, you are automatically viewed as the "male" in the relationship and men are just not used to that. Although, they had better get used to it, because the women of today are more independent. So what do you do if you like the guy who is scared to tell you that he likes you? YOU HAVE TO TELL HIM! You can't expect him to sense your smoke signals, because unfortunately he just doesn't get it. Also, LADIES: Quit acting like a man! A little sweetness will go a long way. Stroke his ego if you may. As women, we want to be seen as equal to men. We want everybody to go with the flow and the change in times, but we also have to do our part. We have to realize that we are now the ones in power. We have the power, all of it I might add and we have to help these fragile creatures otherwise known as men along. They are not as strong as we think they are. Sure they can change a tire or tote our heavy suitcases, but their egos are fragile and they carry much more emotional baggage than we do. They need more than a little TLC.

If you would rather gargle with bong water than tell him how you feel and all else fails try a little spritz of pheromones. Pheromones work their magic on a subconscious level, and can be more powerful than a person's look or actions.

REMEMBER: ALWAYS BE YOURSELF!

What Women Want ~ Crash Confidence Building For Men

How many men out there would love to be a fly on the wall amongst a room full of women babbling about the way they feel about men?  Hello fly. Welcome to my wall.

Women want to be adored. They want you to turn into a smoldering ray of sunshine when you see them.  The kind of sunshine that projects such a high index of heat to where you can't tell the difference between pearls of sweat and tanning oil.  BTW, all I need is a bottle of Hawaiian Tropic and a cold Abita Light.  Women also want to be craved and found irresistible. We live in a post-sexual revolution era and believe it or not women love to have sex.  A lot.  All the time. Can't get enough.  Get the picture? Women want to be sought out for their company.  When you call us at 3 a.m. you are clearly not interested in our company. Women also want men who are playful and passionate.  Be creative.  PLEASE!

Women also want hot tea and long foot rubs. I prefer alcohol in my tea. Women also want your undivided attention even when you are too busy. Ever heard of sending a text while squatting on the toilet? Women also want balance and we want to re-negotiate the old rules about sex and money because those rules just don't apply today.  They didn't apply yesterday and they won't apply tomorrow either.


Women want a man who is confident. Not an arrogant asshole or a he-man who will threaten to blacken the eyes of every man that glances at you. Just somebody who can deal with it all...Somehow.  He comes in the form of a skilled hunter or a courageous protector.  He needs to have the willingness to face daily struggles and be competent in something, anything, whether it be in his job or in sports.


Although a woman likes to believe a man is willing to deal with a lot of things, what really counts is that he is able to deal with her, especially is she is a Scorpio. We don't want a man who would rather have dental work performed up his ass as opposed to being comfortable with our sexuality, intelligence and emotions.

Although men seem to think that women can't bear to hear the truth about some things, women would rather have a man tell them what is on his mind rather than save it for a rainy day or as backup ammunition for when they get into a fight. Women want men to have the confidence to tell them the truth.  Women want a man who will stand up to them with gloves on and ready to enter the ring.


Bottom line: Confidence with a woman is a social skill which must be learned if what you want is the greatest intimate relationship of your life.  If you would like to enroll in the University of Confidence give me a call.  Financial assistance is available.  You can pay in food and flattery.

He/She Loves Me, He/She Loves Me Not...Instead Of Plucking Flower Petals, Shake A Magic 8 Ball And Find Out

Does this scenario sound familiar?

There is somebody you drool over at school and they are super popular and you want to tell them you like them but you just can't because you are petrified that they might stone you publicly at the next pep rally. You sit by them in English class because that's your assigned seat and the two of you sit at a table alone and the two of you talk and laugh and it makes the puddle of your infatuation induced slobber resemble the contents of a kiddie pool. They are in a few of your other classes and whenever you get close to them you contract an army of butterflies. Butterflies that don't float, but sting like a bee. Sometimes out of the corner of your eyes you see them staring at you and you feel like you are about to require smelling salts. So what should you do?

There is a Greek proverb that says: “You can’t hide love or a cough.” True story. When you like somebody, you can’t hide it. However, most of us are very well trained in hiding our feelings. In fact, I have made a job out of it and worked many hours of overtime.

When it comes to expressing an interest in someone, we all make excuses. The timing always seems to be off, but the "perfect" time may never come. We would rather shove bamboo up our fingernails then give in. When there is a mutual interest, but neither person speaks up it is like "War of The Roses" getting someone to budge. I refer to it is the pride tug of war.

Think of a 12 step program. The first step is to admit it to yourself that you are interested in someone. Then, you just have to share it with them. Since you have to tell them one way or another, all you have to do is choose which way.

You can always call, blurt it out and then hang up or you can text them. Cuten their name...It implies that you like them. You could express your feelings in the form of word vomit and then claim that you dialed the wrong number. If you know multiple people with the same name then this tactic is actually believable. You can also write them a short note or draw them a picture. If these methods don't get you the result you hoped for, you can always try to escape humiliation, by saying that you were "drinking when you said that or when you went out of your way to make them a hand-crafted gift with thought the size of a third world country put into it". Trust me. It works every single time! You can also wait and make them tell you first. I wouldn't advise this if you are impatient.

If you are spunky and fun like me and don't mind getting busted for disorderly conduct, vandalism or trespassing you might write them a note and tie it to a rock and throw it at their window or you might toilet paper their yard with Valentine's Day themed toilet paper.

TRUST ME. IF YOU DON'T TELL THEM YOU WILL REGRET IT FOREVER and as Prince said in "Let's Go Crazy" circa 1984, it means forever and that's a mighty long time! Odds are, if they talk to you, it's because they want to, and if they are staring, it's because they like what they see when they look at you. The worst that can happen...They like you as a friend and while it hurts, you still get to be friends, right? BUT they could really like you and turn out to be the person that you hide behind that white picket fence with! If you don't take that leap of faith then you will never forget the moment that you knew you should have told them.

Spit it out! You won't look desperate if you tell someone you like them. You will only look stupid if they end up with somebody else who is less attractive than you and not as cool as you. While in the back of your mind you will be thinking that they could have had a better and bigger bag of chips in you, you are the one who didn't put them on the shelf for them to open.

A Man's Best Friend May Be A Dog, But A Girl's Best Friend Is A Gay Man

Jack:  Is that you God?

Cher:  Well, it depends on what bath house you pray at.

After a few decades of dating unsuccessfully, not to mention dating unsuccessful men I stumbled upon a different breed of men.  Yes, I am talking about a girl’s best friend…The gay man.  There he was.  Instead of a loser in aluminum foil he was a knight in shining armor.  Actually he was a knight in shiny Prada and glittery Dolce and Gabbana.  Okay, okay, the designer labels came later.  The first night I met him he was in only his underwear serving shots at a luau themed party at the local pansexual playground.

Throughout the years I have enjoyed many shopping trips to Pier 1 and Z Gallerie with him as well as some fabulous dinners.  He loved to play a little game that he coined as “left, right, left”.  Let’s just say the rules of the game involved those 3 little words prompting me to simulate Mardi Gras activities.  He also doubled as a stay at home DJ.  He made the best remix CD’s.  CD’s that would make the neighbors whom were of the senior citizen mentality complain to the neighborhood association as well as the police.  To this day one of my most prized possessions is a hot pink Madonna LP that he gave me.  Hot pink vinyl I tell you.  He knows Madonna better than she knows herself.

By far the best gift he ever gave me was escorting me into “bitchdom”.  He coached me into being a real bitch.  I was his break-out star.  He took all of my amazing qualities and exploited them.  He showed me and the rest of the world that I am truly a “gem”.  I attribute my abundance of self-confidence to him.  Without my gay BFF I would be, well I would be me and just a smidge less confident.  Just a smidge.

If you have not been blessed enough to find a gay best friend then what are you waiting for?  Go out and find one!

Self-Awareness And The One Night Stand~A Survival Kit

We women have all walked the walk of shame at least once in our lives and if we have done it once chances are we have done it on several occasions. Most of us are not afraid to admit it either. In college, we walked away from his fraternity house in his shirt and boxers, barefoot with a sense of pride. Our gesture exclaimed, “Look at me, look at me, look what I got!” Chances are if you didn’t use protection then your next walk of shame was to the gynecologist’s office to find out exactly “what you got.”

Women often question the fairness of the concept that men are considered heroes and women are considered sluts when it comes to sexual encounters that occur outside of committed relationships. This is a barbaric concept and should not apply especially when women enjoy sex and know that they need it occasionally if they are not in a relationship to prevent them from becoming a homicidal, hormonal maniac.

Like women, for some men, when they reach their mid-30’s they are looking for something different. They no longer want you to vanish in the morning. They want to keep you for days on end. If a man that I barely know plans on keeping me for days then it better be on a tropical island. Think about it. There you are stranded at his place. You are too broke to take a cab. All of your friends are too hung over or too busy to come get you. You are hungry and restless. And last, but certainly not least you start to smell like an expired dumpster.  After being stuck with him in his apartment for almost 48 hours, you don't need a lover, you need a caseworker.  The mind-blowing sex you had is an afterthought. It is like dust in the wind, because all you can focus on is how you want a shower and a cheeseburger.

With the rise in popularity of sleepovers that appear to be infinity-themed you must prepare and prepare well. Before going out you will need to pack a survival kit which should include, but not be limited to: A toothbrush (Thank God for WISPS which are mini, disposable toothbrushes), a change of clothes, snacks, cash, sleep aids, medicine, reading material, etc. Believe it or not you can be resourceful and survive in style. My favorite places to get over-sized handbags in Atlanta are at Bill Hallman, Fabrik and K-La.

So grab that over-sized handbag and always remember…He wants you and has the ability to convince you that you want him. As long as you are aware of the fact that you want "it" and need "it" then you have nothing to be ashamed of. At last, you can view the ultimate calorie burner as a pleasurable transaction between two consenting adults as opposed to a booty call or one night stand.

Take ownership and have fun, but be safe!

Forget About It!

When you hold resentment toward another, you are bound to that person or condition by an emotional link that is stronger than steel. Forgiveness is the only way to dissolve that link and get free. ~ Catherine Ponder

It's called a break-up, because it's broken like that vinyl 45 your mother split in half because you would not clean up your room, yet we all have different ways of dealing with the demise of a relationship. It doesn't matter who broke up with who. You still go through a string of emotions that make you feel as if you are one fit away from a straight jacket and a padded cell. Anger is a standard emotion, yet it is also a secondary emotion. For a secondary emotion, anger can feel pretty prominent. You think about a career change. That career being a life-ruiner. You conjure up mind games that would make Albert Einstein's head spin and brain explode.

Your first order of business is training for the annual Victoria's Secret fashion show. Looking good is the best revenge.

You constantly poke fun at your ex as if they were the Pillsbury Dough Boy.

You may even take your communication level back to middle school by prank calling them. *67 overpowers *69 every day of the week and twice on Sundays.

Post break-up there are so many twists and turns. The journey is like traveling down the yellow brick road, but instead of meeting the scarecrow, cowardly lion, tin man and the wizard, you meet despair, resentment and denial. The wicked witch comes in the form of the herd of monkeys on your back. You must meet "forgiveness" in order to heal.

Until you have completely moved on you will not be available to stand in line to get on the roller coaster with somebody else, because you can't ride two horses with one ass. Also, unless they are complete morons, which you don't want anyway, I think potential suitors can sense when you are not over somebody. So forgive, before you get caught being stuck and stranded at the gate. Best of all, when trouble walks back into your life disguised as your ex-boyfriend you won't even notice.

P.S. I forgive you...

Tales Of Drinking

I took my first "real drink" in middle school. By real drink I mean Jack Daniels who I might add is the most reliable boyfriend I ever had. I babysat for this couple who had a stocked liquor cabinet at all times. One night I raided their liquor cabinet. I didn't want to make my thievery too obvious so I put a little bit of this and a little bit of that in empty mason jars. How Southern of me. I remember being in total fear as the father drove me home, because you could hear rumblings of all kinds of liquid in my purse. Little did I know, but he had other things on his mind. He had just come home from taking his wife out to tell her that he was leaving her for an interior designer that worked for him. Yes, I hold the title of babysitting while a divorce was in the making and a heart was breaking. I remember offering my little sister some whiskey. She cautiously dipped her finger in it. I waited for a response. She hated it. That moment will forever be etched in my memory, because now she will more than likely suck the alcohol out of a deodorant stick.

Once I turned 16, my college prep work entailed drinking Boone's Farm. My posse referred to it as Strawberry Hill. Every Friday and Saturday night we would venture off into the ghetto and make our purchase. With Chevy Blazers and Ford Broncos full of kids we always had massive orders which were brought out to us in cardboard boxes. My order was always the same. I got two bottles of Strawberry Hill each time.  You would have thought that my mission was to start foaming at the mouth.  I think I stayed so thin, because I puked a lot.  I got busted by the cops during spring break of my senior year.  Even though I was completely passed out I knew I smelt bacon.  Luckily for me, they called my parents to come get me and sent me on my way.  After my father retrieved me and took me home my parents kept telling me that they didn't raise me to act that way.  TRUE!  They raised me in such a manner that I would want to drink more.  I made it worse by hanging over the toilet and confessing to my mother that I had recently lost my virginity.  I always seem to know how to kick people when they are down.

Before I left for college, I spent the summer at the Holiday Inn Gazebo on the beach.  My best friend was of age so she would sneak me these alcoholic drinks referred to as "frozen things".  One day it was hot as HELL and I skipped breakfast.  Needless to say I was still working on maintaining my figure by puking.  We were just about to leave the beach when I went to go shower off.  This loser started hitting on me and I don't know what he was thinking.  It looked like I had Bain de Soleil all over my face.  That was a messy day.

Once I went off the Florida State I never went to a fraternity party without my nickel beer mug.  I always kept that thing full of Malibu coconut rum and orange soda.  Wow, have my preferences changed.  Once, I turned 21 it just wasn't as fun to drink anymore, however when I entered the corporate world I took it up as a hobby.  I started drinking everything I could get my hands on and I am still there.  I am no quitter!