Patty: Cool outfit!
Barbara: What a severe suede!
Cindy Mancini: You guys, it's no big deal. Bobby sent it to me from Iowa. You know they have fine leathers down there.
Patty: Oh, yeah. The best leathers come from Rome, Paris, and Des Moines!
In 1987's "Can't Buy Me Love" Ronald Miller has had a crush on Cindy Mancini for years. Cindy doesn't even know his name. In fact, he had to remind her on several occasions that his name was "Ronald" and not "Donald". Ronald is your typical nerd and Cindy is a popular cheerleader. At an opportune moment, Ronald makes a deal with Cindy to spend $1,000 of his savings to replace a suede outfit Cindy damaged that belonged to her mother. Cindy has few options and reluctantly agrees to help him look "cool" by pretending to be his girlfriend for a month.
In the late 80's and early 90's, suede had a massive presence in my closet. I spent countless afternoons trying and buying suede. Those dressing rooms with the car doors at The Body Shop made it look so good. If ever I questioned God's existence, I knew he was real, and even more so a loving God, when The Body Shop ceased operations. If a cow or pig could be skinned to make it, I had it. After that last "moo" or "oink" it was mine. You name it, I had it...Skirts, shorts, jackets, boots, shoes, purses and even a crop top. Eventually, suede died along with my dreams of being a Texas housewife.
The same goes for relationships as does for cleaning out your closet. You must rearrange and strengthen priorities during troubled times.
Letting go of your bad fashion begins with a brave decision and a burning desire to make changes. One of life’s biggest challenges is the challenge of letting go. Despite how much we want to make changes in our lives and relationships, we do tend to stick with what we know to be safe and comfortable. Keeping things the same, even if they are bad, is safe compared with abandoning what you have and facing the unknown. The unknown is where all of the potential lies.
The fact of the matter is we all have out of date outfits, things that hold us back. If you cannot see yours, you are just not trying. Denying that you have obstacles that stand in the way of improving your relationship will not make your situation better. In fact, refusing to admit to yourself that you are stuck can seriously diminish your possibilities. If you are uncertain about what your barriers are, just ask someone you love and trust to point them out to you.
Be prepared to not like or agree with what you hear. Facing up to the reality of who you are can often be bone crushing. Yes, the truth can hurt, but entering into the pain of reality is healthy even though it's uncomfortable. It has been said that the true measure of a person is often determined by how much truth he can take without having his feelings hurt.
Whether real or vividly imagined, a barrier is a barrier, and those barriers stand in the way of a better relationship. Regardless of whether your barriers are big or small, self imposed or dumped on you by another person, you get to decide whether you want to tolerate them or go beyond them.
They say that you can feng shui your relationship by moving furniture around. Trust me when I say that realizing that your bed has left the wall and moved to the middle of the room during an intense sexual encounter does not fix a relationship. It only reminds you of your great sex life.
We learn the most and grow the most through relationships that are important to us. Our relationships often challenge us and bring us happiness. An intimate relationship can be a roller coaster of emotions. For a relationship to reach its potential, it may have to go to Hell first. While this may mean that to be in an inspiring, nurturing and committed relationship one is forced to look deeply at all the accumulated resistance, hurt, beliefs, etc., it does not mean that one has to get stuck while finding balance in the relationship.
So, instead of going shopping this afternoon and wasting money on an outfit that will end up on the floor amongst the rest of your closet vomit or at a swap party a few years from now, spend the afternoon writing a love letter to the one you love. Feeling creative? Write it with colored markers on a bed sheet.
Sure, we know that perfect outfit will make us feel invincible for the time being, but it is a temporary fix. Focus on an accessory which is timeless: A fabulous relationship with the one you love. Now that will make you feel beautiful.
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