"Well, your father went out and bought a new gun so I am buying jewelry." ~ My Mother
This morning I made the mistake of inquring with the patriarch of the family as to why he bought another gun. He simply told me "to not worry about it". Harsh. My guess is that he is expecting something to go down in the hood. Or on the other hand, he has worked hard all of his life and he deserves to buy whatever he wants and not have his motives questioned by his daughter. God, Jesus, Joseph, Mary, Moses and his credit union know that he has done more than enough for me including college tuition which I flushed down the toilet like 2 dead goldfish (R.I.P. Sambo and Sadie), 5, yes 5 cars, several moves to wherever this spoiled brat wanted to live and the list goes on. DISCLAIMER: If you contact my father to verify this list and to get him to expound on it you will be robbed of the pleasure of ever reading my blog again so don't do it! Basically, I never wanted for anything, and any ex-boyfriend of mine will claim that I am a spoiled brat, but they also know that I always say "to know me is to love me" and if you don't like that concept or my "brattitude" then you can step out of line.
My father said he would support me from the cradle to the grave. Not once did I ever hear that "he couldn't wait until I was 18 so he could be done with me". I think that particular kind of language only rolls out of trailer parks anyway and I did NOT grow up in a trailer park. Far from it, in fact. Even though I suffer from having a Daddy Warbucks, I have decided to let him retire from supporting me. Therefore, it is time for ME to support my lifestyle. My father once told me that I could not live within his means, because he had no means to live within. Nice. Must be nice. Now I see that it is time to grow up and stop living within his means and live within my own made-up means. I have always lived by the motto that it takes a village which includes a hairstylist, a plastic surgeon and a therapist. BUT, how do you mange to afford your village when you have bills, bills, bills??? Easy as Eazy-E!
For starters you need to think of 20 different ways to spice up ramen noodles. Think back to your college days. My father gave me plenty of money to eat off of in college, but I decided to spend it all on clothes, therefore, I would raid my roommate's ramen noodle stash. Sorry roomie. I made up for it by sitting with her in the hospital after she drank 2 bottles of Nyquil. There was never a dull moment at FSU.
Secondly, you should hang out with drunk people. Drunk people are always willing to pick up the tab, because they feel so good that they forget they have bills. If you get lucky, they might throw money at you. And, in this economy I recommend you take it. Taking money for doing absolutely nothing does not make you a prostitute.
Finally, you need to hang out with cool people. Cool people have connections.
So go find you some cool people to hang out with, wait on your donated champagne (being beautiful and witty is always a good cause) and explore the goodie bag that I like to call LIFE.
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