Sunday, August 2, 2009

Swimming In A Black Sea Of Life's Little Annoyances: A Guide To Ranking Your Pet Peeves




A pet peeve is simply all that stands between reality and the enchanted land. It is your neighbor's annoying pet that prevents you from being happy. I myself, have adopted several breeds of pet peeves. People, places and things are just the beginning...

For the last solid year the automated voice at the McDonalds drive-thru that screams "Welcome to McDonalds. Would you like to try a latte or an iced mocha?" cannonballs me into a stuper of irritation. Why does this annoy me? Because I am usually at McDonalds after lunch or dinner. Why would I want coffee at 7 pm? Also, usually the only time that I ever frequent McDonalds is when I am seriously hungover. I just want a greasy cheeseburger and a nap. I do not have any desire to stay awake and meditate on my misery.

Some days just waking up annoys me. I curse God for letting me take another breath. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I can hear my mother now. Yes, I am grateful to be alive. I think being pissed off about waking up is just my violent reaction to the prospect of people spending their entire day swarming like teacup cockroaches underneath my skin. What else bothers me? The question is who else. Nosey people bother me. They are rude. If you want to know Santa's long list of the rest of my pet peeves then you are being nosey, Pinochhio style. You really should find your own pet peeves to play with.

Get annoyed and make your list. Rank your pet peeves and see which ones you can dump off at the pound. Please be a responsible pet owner and dump your unwanted pet peeves off on complimentary dip day so that they are fresh and clean for somebody else to take ownership of. Set your pet peeves free for a less stressful life. Do not quote me on saying stress free.

If by chance, you can't think of any pet peeves just perform a google search for other people's pet peeves and your result will be an advertisement for an online anger class for $99.

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